It may seem like a job where you simply need to throw all your stuff into one place, but it’s far more than that. First, you need to find and agree on that place, then there’s a painful process of sorting your possessions in which you’ll probably have to say goodbye to some of them, somewhere between there’ll be money talks… and all these things have room for conflict.
If you’re ready for this leap, we’ll point out some important matters in this process and provide you with tips that will help you survive it with your affection for each other intact.
This is The Place
The first question is where to move – stay in your place, move into theirs, or find the new one together? One of your places might seem like a better choice space-wise, but you should also consider other factors that are must-haves for both – safety, shopping, restaurants, parks, accommodation for pets, commute to work, etc. Even if everything adds up, sometimes it’s not all about the actual apartment – one of you (or both) might need the shared sense of ownership that will provide the new chapter in your relationship. Maybe you’ll want to start from the beginning together and then finding the new place is the best option. Not only you’ll have more freedom choosing the square footage that can accommodate all your stuff, but you’ll also be able to create a uniform interior design with the look and feel you both agree on.
Leaving it Behind
There’s a chance that you have a duplicate of things in your apartments such as coffee tables, meaning you won’t be needing one of them. There will be big stuff such as sofas or dressers that simply won’t fit in the new apartment. So the first step is to take the inventory of both apartments and then decide what you’ll gonna toss, sell, donate, or keep. After you measure all that’s left you’ll have a clear idea of how much square footage you’ll need. It’s mandatory to make this decision together. Some might see this pre-move purge as an opportunity to get rid of seemingly useless or ugly stuff their partner’s been holding onto. But we’re simply attached to some things. If your partner has been collecting things for years you need to understand it’s probably hard for them to let go, no matter how weird that collection seems to you. It’ all about open communication and gentle suggestions, and knowing you won’t always be able to agree on what’s worth keeping.
Checklist for Habits
When we make a checklist, we always consider only the important stuff. But our lives are mostly driven by habits we’re unconscious of and realizing you’re unable to perform them in your new apartment can prove to be quite stressful. That’s why all the things we don’t think about should also end up on paper. It would be tricky to forget to make spare keys, but forgetting the tv aerial installation might be even worse. Instead of fighting over the remote, you’ll fight about which one of you was stupid enough to forget about that. Of course, our habits being unconscious it’s hard to remember them, but by now you probably know each other’s routines well enough – why not try to make this checklist for one another? It may even come out as a pleasant surprise.
Overcoming Money Talks
Maybe you’ve been sharing costs with a roommate, but sharing the responsibility for basic necessities with your partner who’s become a full-time housemate is quite different. Since you’re signing legal documents together, it’s normal that you want to know what you’ve tied yourself to and what obligations you have. Maybe your partner has some debt or loses his job and you’re gonna be solely responsible for the whole rent and not just your part since you’ve both signed the rental agreement. That’s why it’s important to set aside time in order to lay out your complete financial picture – talk with your partner about every financial obligation you both have: assets such as investments and savings, income, student loans, credit score, and any credit card debt. For some, these money talks may feel like a loss of control over their individual finances and privacy, so understanding communication is crucial if you want to avoid creating tension. You need to be aware that a fair arrangement is not always an equal one, especially if you make unequal salaries. There are ways each of you can pay the fair share of living expenses – one may take care of the rent while the other will pay for groceries and utilities, or you can share the expenses according to the percentage of your salaries.
Following these tips doesn’t mean there won’t be some minor conflicts between the two of you, but it’s important to know that arguments are not the end and to keep the communication open. Just remember who you’re talking to – your significant other.
Just your typical workaholic mom
